Deep inside
Category: Writing and Poetry Every once in a while even the happiest of souls can have a manic down turn. I wrote mine out so here it is  a poem (song lyrics) I have titled Deep inside

........ I feel bleak My soul, weak
Falling through time and space I see your face Haunting me Chasing me Forever, forsaking me My insides are tangled My heart is mangled I don't know which way leads to me Depression So sickening My blood, thickening I feel so hollow deep inside If the wind blew Would it rustle right through me?
Right where my soul used to be? I feel so empty How will I ever get back to me? My eyes So unseeing To all the hurt I'm doing I feel such rage I look down I see my own words Fighting the urge to tear up the page I feel bleak My soul, weak Falling through time and space I see your face Haunting me Chasing me Forever, forsaking me Falling through time and space I see your face (Your eyes tear at my soul) I see your face (I am no longer whole) Haunting me at every turn Forsaken I burn Forsaken I'm torn I feel bleak My soul, weak Falling through time and space I see your face Haunting me
Chasing me Forever and ever Forsaking me

Copyrighted 2010 - Ria Goff
You cannot use my poem, Thanks

We all have ways to blow off steam and relax. My favorite for over 6 years now has been to log into world of warcraft to get some levels, pwn some alliance, generally relax and have fun with my friends. Recently my account has been hacked not 1 time but 3 times. Very early this morning I was playing on my lowbie mage when I was very suddenly logged out and told via email to change my password because someone from a foreign country, obviously not I, had changed my password. I couldn't believe that someone had access to my password or my account. Horrified, I went and changed my password immediately and called Blizzard entertainment. The machine said I would have a 19 minute wait. No one picked up the phone to help me for more than 80 minutes. How is this customer service?! They make how much money a MINUTE? Hire more tech support!!! Further more the tech tells me that if my account was accessed it is my fault not theirs. How, I ask, is this my fault?? I was PLAYING the friggan game at the time this happened!!!! Then he goes on to tell me that I won't be able to have my account unsuspended until after Sunday because I was reported for 170 cases of spamming in 30 seconds. 30 seconds was all it took for me to change my password and try to log back in. 30 seconds of some asshole hacker getting into my account and spamming for me to be temp banned for the weekend. This isn't fair and it certainly is NOT my fault. What are you doing to protect your customers blizzard? Huh? Well? Oh that's right, you are selling them an authenticator that can be hacked as well. Our accounts are not safe and you are not protecting us from what even small minded asshole is doing this. I understand it is more than 1 person but you need to understand that as YOUR customer I AM AUTOMATICALLY RIGHT! Because the customer is never wrong. You owe me an apology and you owe the world a better log in process, upgraded security and the ability to feel safe every single time they log into your game. You never tell them that you, as a company, are not responsible for our mistakes. I didn't make any mistakes. I simply logged in and played the game. I don't know how they got my password, I don't know why they used my account to spam people and I certainly don't understand why you are not helping your customers more than you do. I have played every single MMO out there, every one of them and WOW is by FAR the worst when it comes to customer support, account safety, answering emails and/or helping the public at large who have have faithfully bestowed their trust in your company and given over parts of their income to find some entertain within your world. In return you should at least be able to guarentee that that world will be safe for them, all of them and me. I am very displeased and I will not be silenced or accept that this is somehow my fault. I did nothing wrong but you did Blizzard. You made a major boo boo. By telling I was wrong you have failed in the very essence of what customer support is. IT IS SUPPORT. Not place the blame on the customer. This is a sad sad game you are playing and I can only hope the federal government will crack down on you, forcing you to tighten your hold on the reigns and force you to provide a better, safer login process and the feeling of safety we all look for when we are home. How many people make Wow their home every single day?
Perhaps you'd like to call every single one of your millions of customers and tell them they are wrong too. Wrong to trust you, wrong to believe you will help them when they are accused (WRONGFULLY) of doing something wrong.

My favorite part of my phone call was the tech telling me he could see what country the asshole who fucked up my account was in and it was different (duh) than every other log in i've ever made. Doesn't this prove it wasn't me? I only ever log in from the same place.. this one pc.

I am sad that I have wasted so much time and have so many hard feelings for this company now. Alot of my friends reside in Azeroth and tonight I cannot because my account has 18 hour left till I am allowed to play.. So thanks China.. Mexico... Thailand, Indonesia... Quebec.. whatever country it was that did this to me. I hope this asshole hacker gets carpal tunnel so bad he can't even touch his own junk because of the pain.
Seems like a just punishment to me.
I will be waiting for my apology Blizzard.

I have always loved Ani. I was 16 the first time I heard 'not a pretty girl' and I was not a pretty girl and the song quickly became my personal anthem. Secretly, I also had a crush on Ani. Like most of her young female friends, I believed she was singing directly to me, illuminating some dark corners of my soul with her magic words that only she could see. Alas, I was wrong. I was surfing the web just now and I found a picture of Ani with her daughter Petah and it struck me just how much Ani has grown up. Not only has she grown up but she has grown so perfectly into herself. Seeing her with her small child perched upon her lap, obviously so in love with her child and motherhood, struck me like a falling tree branch. It is an odd thing when you start seeing yourself as an adult. When does our grasp on youth fade? If I have to get older, can I at least age as gracefully as Ms. Difranco? Please?

Oh Ani you said you were not a pretty girl but you are! Just look at you! Your child is every bit as beautiful as you are. I hope she grows up with a guitar in her hands and the ability to spin a tale out of politics the way her mommy always could.

Ani Difranco is my Woman of the Week.

I had a long conversation with my son today about idols. He asked if I had any.. and I have many. People I'd love to spend time with, pick their brains.. really did down deep and find out what makes them tick.

I have so many that I thought I'd show you some the people I love. So here's my list...

Lady Gaga
Gwen Stefani
Amy Lee
Ben Burnley
Crystal Bowersox
Pink
Johnette Napoliatano (Spelling, difficult name! lol!)
Lisa Loeb
Cyndi Lauper
Madonna
Adam Lambert
Pat Goff *Mega good artist* She does my cover art for my books and has my heart
Kara Dioguardi
Ani Difranco

So many many more... There are a lot of non musical people I adore as well.. Poe.. as in Edgar Allen not the band ;) though I like them too. Nora Roberts though I am a little upset that in the 'flower series' blue dahlia.. etc.. she never told david's story. I really want to hear it. Susan Elizabeth Phillips is a phenominal writer whose stories leave me laughing and refreshed.

This is why I began writing myself. To have people want to read my work.. hungering for the next piece of work I put out. I hope one day I will get there!

I am working on a new book now.. I am rather enjoying the development of this one.. in the mean time I'm going to turn on some of the people I love (Music wise) and lose myself in my next chapter.

Who do you idolize? why?

I live in a world that is not so different than yours. Okay, I admit that there are some differences. For instance, I have a tail. I don't run around on all fours or anything though, I am not a freak, after all. What I am is a female furry...a Serval to be exact. What is a Serval you ask? Well it is a very sexy cat and I feel very sexy when I am her.
So what is it to be furry you ask? Well let me tell you.
For me, when I pull on my fur I feel my stress fade away. Like my real life cats, I have no stress, no anxiety and I find myself completely at peace. Five years ago when my wife asked me to be furry with her in Second life, I thought she was insane. I got upset, refused to put on my furry for her, I'd even stomp around and pout in real life. Demanding answers from her as to why she felt the need to dress in fur and be a boy in the game we played. I thought people would think we were freaks and I guess in a way for a while I actually looked at us like we were. In truth, however, we are not freaks.. nor are we furverts. No, we are just average everyday lesbians who dress up as cats and laugh a lot. Now, in Second life, I am almost never human and by almost never I mean I have been human twice these last twelve months and even then it was only for an hour or so.
I have found in the furry community there is less judgment, more laughter and better bonds of friendship. I mean, look at one of your pets right now, do they looked stressed? Well maybe they are if you are holding their favorite toy hostage or have misplaced the nip...but other than that your pets are just happy to see you, right?
Well this is how I feel when I have my fur on. I am just happy to see my friends. Happy to laugh and have fun, feeling careful and whole. It's like when I don't have my tail on I feel naked. Much like you might if you forgot your watch today on your way out to work.
People look down upon the furry community. Judging us and them without ever even talking to us. Why would anyone want to dress up like a cat and spend time with other people who did the same? I think the bigger question is why wouldn't you? Well? Have an answer smart-ass? I didn't think so. Until you've worn full our fur and felt the power having claws can give you then you haven't really lived.
I know people who attend fur-con and I have to admit, I am jealous. I don't have the confidence to wear fur in front of so many other people. It is not for lack of wanting but an honest lack of confidence. For those furries who attend fur-con and think that Second Life furries are not as good or as committed as you are, to a degree you are right. You are a better furry than me because I cannot afford to be any better than what I am. If I was rich or any type of talented I would probably, honestly, find a way to get my fur out here into the real world where maybe, just maybe, I would be able to forget about the bills and lose myself in how soft my far is. Even just for a little while. Alas, I cannot afford to do so and if I tried to make myself a fur-suit.. well. .. … I'd probably look like something your toddler pooped out our your spouse ran over with their car....but that doesn't change my commitment level, at all. I am furry, right down to my very core. Whether or not I can afford to wrap my exterior in real fur, right now, does not matter. So in that respect I am just as furry as you.
So to my wife I say thank you. Thank you for putting up with all my stomping and pouting and whining and for wearing me down until I gave in and fell in love with my cat. I am Rya a black and white spotted Serval with blue/green eyes and a wedding ring piercing in my left ear. It matches the piercing in my lovely's left ear. After all my furry fingers are far too fat for a regular wedding ring. If it wasn't for her pushing and prodding and .. well.. the out and out cuteness of her furry staring back at me I may have never given in and found a piece of myself. A piece that fit better than any jigsaw puzzle piece. So now as I stare back at her tan colored/black spotted Serval with her Adam Lambert hair and piercing blue eyes I know that I have never been as happy as I am right now.
So next time you are wondering why we are wearing fur and laughing so loud just know it simply because you my friend have forgotten your own tail.. and to us you look funny.
They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. I think the same goes for anything you don't understand. Don't judge me by my tail or my piercings, the color of my hair or eyes or even the way I dress because underneath all those layers of what makes me different from you, is what makes me so perfectly human and at peace with being me.

Off to get a fur-cut!

Rya